Miscarriage: More than just a loss.

The following article has been written to guide you through one of the, if not THE most difficult experience of your life. We honour the reality that if you're reading this, you're looking for guidance and information. We want to deliver this in the most sensitive manner we can, and let you know that while this was written, we were thinking of every baby and parent who has been in this scenario. We honour your strength, dignity, and love for your precious baby. 

A miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy before 20 weeks, most often occurring in the first trimester. While it can feel shocking and deeply personal, it is also medically common. 

In Canada, approximately 15–25% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and some estimates suggest about 1 in 5 pregnancies are affected. We share this so you know that you are not alone. 
Because many losses happen before someone even knows they are pregnant, the true number is likely higher.

Why miscarriages happen (and why it’s not your fault)

One of the most important—and often misunderstood—facts is this:

Most miscarriages are not preventable and are not caused by anything you did or didn’t do.

The most common cause is chromosomal abnormalities, meaning the embryo is not developing normally. 
This is the body’s natural (though painful) way of ending a pregnancy that would not have been viable.

Things like:

• Stress

• Exercise

• Sex

• Lifting something heavy

do not cause miscarriage.

Risk does increase with factors like age or certain medical conditions, but even then, many miscarriages occur without any clear explanation.

The emotional reality

Miscarriage is not just a medical event—it is a loss.

People often experience:

• Grief and sadness

• Shock or numbness

• Guilt or self-blame

• Anger or confusion

• A sense of lost identity or future

These feelings can come in waves and may not follow a predictable timeline.

And importantly:
The depth of grief is not determined by how far along the pregnancy was.

For some, the loss represents a baby. For others, it represents a hope, a plan, or a future imagined. All of these experiences are valid.

You are not alone

Because miscarriage is often kept private, many people feel isolated in their experience. But statistically, it is something many families go through—often silently.

And while that doesn’t make it easier, it does mean:

• There is nothing unusual about your body

• There is nothing “wrong” with you

• And in most cases, future healthy pregnancies are still very possible

After a Miscarriage: A Gentle To-Do List for Healing

There is no “right” way to move through loss—but there are ways to support your body and mind as you do.

Physical Care

• Follow up with a healthcare provider (doctor, midwife, or nurse practitioner)

  • Confirm the miscarriage is complete

  • Discuss whether further care is needed (medication, monitoring, or rarely a procedure)

• Watch for warning signs and seek care if needed:

  • Heavy bleeding (soaking a pad per hour)

  • Severe pain

  • Fever or dizziness

• Rest and nourish your body

  • Gentle movement when ready

  • Hydration, iron-rich foods if bleeding was significant

• Ask about your cycle and fertility

  • Ovulation can return quickly

  • You can discuss timing for trying again when you feel ready

Emotional & Mental Care

• Name the loss
  Whether you see it as a baby, a pregnancy, or a possibility—your grief deserves acknowledgment.

• Release self-blame
  Remind yourself (often): this was not your fault.

• Talk to someone safe

  • Partner, friend, therapist, or support group

  • Even one validating conversation can reduce isolation

• Limit exposure to triggers (if needed)

  • Pregnancy announcements, social media, etc.

• Consider professional support

  • Miscarriage can increase risk of anxiety, depression, or PTSD in some individuals

Emotional Rituals & Meaning-Making

• Write a letter to your baby or pregnancy

• Plant something or create a small ritual

• Keep or create a memory (journal, jewelry, ultrasound photo)

• Acknowledge important dates

These acts can help process grief in a tangible way.

Support & Practical Next Steps

• Ask about leave options (work, EI, or compassionate leave in Canada)

• Connect with miscarriage or pregnancy loss support groups

• Include your partner (if applicable)

  • They may grieve differently—but also need support

When (and if) you think about trying again

• There is no universally “right” timeline

• Some providers suggest waiting until after one menstrual cycle, mainly for dating a future pregnancy

• Emotionally, readiness matters just as much as physical recovery

A Final Note

Miscarriage often leaves people asking questions that don’t have clear answers.

But there are a few truths worth holding onto:

• Your grief is valid

• Your body did not fail you

• You are not alone in this experience

• Healing is not linear—and it doesn’t need to be rushed

If you want to connect with other parents who have experienced this loss, or would like us to connect you with trusted resources, please email us at brightcollectivecw@gmail.com